I am Yours....Mind, Body, & Non-existent Soul

I’ll take Kinky Fuckery please!!

On Monday we went for dinner after work to Vineyards Wine Bar & Bistro in downtown Ottawa. As per the norm, I start off feeling extremely nervous. I can’t help it; I am hyperaware of his sexuality and the undeniable effect he has on me.  As we leave work, he grabs my hand. I immediately feel panic that someone will see us. I know it will take a little while for me to get used to the ‘openness’ of our relationship. As worried as I am, I do admit to myself that I like it….ALOT!

The evening is wonderful…normal really with the exception that our conversation revolves almost entirely around BDSM and our relationship as both Dom/Sub and as lovers. I know the waitress hears us as I see her head whip around to our direction from time to time…terrible really but perversely amusing. I enjoyed myself immensely. The food and wine were delicious; the company, fascinating really. At times, I have to say I feel removed from this entire experience in a weird abstract kind of way…like it’s happening to someone else and I am the fly on the wall witnessing every sinful act.

After dinner, we walk…stop and make out…and walk some more. We end the evening groping and kissing for quite some time oblivious to the throng of people around us. Well almost anyway…at times we were the focal point of several passerbys…too funny. I think perhaps we may have gotten hexed by an elderly woman….and legitimately too as she may have witnessed my touching him (outside his clothing of course). Well! I can’t be held responsible for the actions of my body of late…I have no control over it…it’s all his fault!! I’m sure it was very odd to onlookers seeing two 40-somethings wrapped around each other the way we were. Unfortunately,the evening comes to an end and we have to part ways… The good thing is I know I will see him the next day at work and that we have a playdate planned for Wednesday. I cannot fucking wait!!!!!

It’s finally Wednesday. I have taken the day off to get ready for him. I start off the day by sending him, upon request, something to get him through the day until we meet. Like a good Sub, I send him a video of myself using a vibrator to reach orgasm. Suffice it to say…he is pleased and returns the favour by sending me a pic of his erection. Thank you kind sir!! I’m to meet him at 4:30…I will likely endure 4 hours or so of play. Jesus!!! I am told to bring the new dildo I’ve just purchased so that I can perform for him. Um…..are you fucking serious!!! Oh…yeah, he’s very serious.

I get there and we immediately go downstairs. The first act will involve my using the dildo on myself while he watches. I am crazy nervous but I know I don’t really have a choice. As nervous as I am, I am unbelievably turned on. As he kisses me, removing my clothing; his touch becomes more aggressive as does mine. We kiss/bite each other; I can feel my own excitement is building exponentially by the increasing wetness of my panties. By the time he touches my pussy, I am already soaking wet!! I am a puddle of carnal lust. I love his expression and his obvious desire when he first samples my wetness. He affirms that my pussy is, in fact, HIS pussy. I agree that it is. My legs are like rubber. I am told to sit down and begin touching myself. I oblige, at first touching my clitoris before inserting the dildo. I like this dildo…it feels and looks very much like the real thing; it will also fit a strap on harness perfectly as he has demonstrated earlier. I surprise myself in that I totally get into it…having him next to me brings masturbation to a whole new heightened level of sensation! He soon takes over sometimes alternating between licking my pussy and fucking it with the dildo; sometimes doing both. This feels SO gooooooood! I lick and suck his cock like it’s my job; he pulls me up at one point so that I am sitting on his face. I immediately begin fucking his face…back and forth..back and forth…my God…where have you been all my life?? We then fuck….hard. Once we’ ve rested for…oh…2.5 minutes…we proceed to the next arena.

I am brought to the utility room…that is where all of the toys and other paraphernalia are kept. I see there is a rope hanging from the rafters. This excites me as I have told him that one of my fantasies that I use quite often to get off involves my being tethered, hanging suspended from the ceiling while I am fucked by several people…sometimes both genders (in my fantasy, I am typically blindfolded but tonight, that is not the case). He places the leather restraints around my wrists and proceeds to fasten them to the rope stringing my arms above my head. I am strong so I know I will be able to last happily in this position for a long time. He hums as he decides which implement to use first…I patiently wait.

He begins the assault by flogging my back and buttocks. It is not too bad…I enjoy it. He increases the force of the blows…I like that too; I round my back so I can take it. Next he switches to using the paddle on my buttocks. He has slapped my ass rather hard earlier in the evening so I am already quite tender. I dislike the paddle as it spreads the pain over a larger area. Next up is the wooden dowel…ouch! That, dear friends, has a bite that fucking stings!!! Nope…don’t like it either…can we please go back to the flogger? Whew…there…that’s better. He uses a different flogger this time that delivers a lot more when it comes to pain. I can take it….I think. He then selects clamps, placing them on my nipples. I’m not sure if I like them or not….at least when they are on. He hits them with the flogger; it’s not the nicest feeling. When he takes them off, however, and then immediately sucks or pinches the nipple..now that DOES feel pretty good. He checks my wrists and fingers for circulation…(he’s just so darn considerate lol) and finding that I’m ok, continues. He, at this point, tells me he will count to ten as he delivers the blows increasing them in intensity each time. I REALLY like this (Jesus!! What’s wrong with me?).

He has told me earlier that he has a gift for me. Hmmmm….this can be interpreted many ways….a gift that I’ll actually want or a gift that I am conditioned to want as his Sub. It could be anything. I am pleasantly surprised when he gives it to me. It’s a Hitachi Magic Wand marketed as a massager but used around the world by deviants alike as the mother of all vibrators. (oh…it’s magical alright!) How sweet! I am then told to bend over the spanking bench as he inserts the dildo once again into my pussy. At the same time, he presses the wand against my clit. I am propelled once more into the stratosphere with the intensity of this sensation coupled with the dildo being rammed into my pussy. My legs give out as I bend even more over the bench while I orgasm explosively. I mean…to be totally clear, it’s never ending!!! My orgasm just goes on and on! I feel like I will literally lose what’s left of my mind and I don’t care! When it’s over, he helps me out of the restraints, and carefully walks me over to sit down. Once rested a little, he fucks me again taking me from behind before flipping me over to enter me, fucking me hard. We stare at each other, face to face, until he himself reaches orgasm. Phenomenal ending!!

It was then that I experienced a rather strange period of mixed emotions once our play session was over. He left briefly to go upstairs while I sat waiting for his return. While I normally experience post-coital bliss…I am surprised and quite perplexed to realize that I feel sad. Sad enough that I have to wipe the beginning of tears (wtf!!!) from my eyes. Ok…so what’s THAT all about. The only time that has happened is when I feel a deep emotional connection to someone. Alright…so I give myself a mental shake and attempt to control my breathing, calming myself just in time before he returns to sit next to me. For the next hour or so, we hang out..cuddling and kissing. I was with him from 4:30 to 10:00 and yet it felt like it was only for a couple of hours. It’s always like that…I hate it. As I leave I find myself already yearning for the next time we will play. Once home, I examine my body and am pleased to find that I have several marks to remind me of how much I was able to withstand.

This weekend I will move into my new house; he is coming to visit me on Sunday. Yay!!! I know that I should be focusing all of my attention on my impending move and I AM excited…believe me; but truth be told…my mind is wrapped up with pleasing my Dom and lover and exploring the extent of my sexual appetites along the way. This is now my life. In two days, I will be able to completely shed what’s left of the old ‘me’. 2013 is shaping up to be a great year…MY year.